1866-08-15 : A Foolish Girl
A Foolish Girl
Summary: As Emilia packs to leave for Lonnaire with Clara, her thoughts wander from the trip to the recent talk with her besotted sister, and onwards. (OOC Warning : Possible creepy factor, as the Voices are involved and some find Them Creepy. )
Date: 1866-08-15
Related: Clearly Besotted and Emilia things

Eyes roamed over the few dresses already laid out on the bed to be packed, and then over to the wardrobe and the remaining dresses within and back to the bed again, before a slight sigh slipped. This was worse then when she had to pack for the coronation, least there people would be paying attention to her siblings, to others far more important than her. Now…there would be few from Rivana. It would almost be like being at Court everyday. The eyes, the curiosity. Though perhaps..just perhaps for a few days..there would not be the judgement, the pity.

You will be away from them. The break in influence must be.

It would be a break from the Court here. Why she had to remain yet, Emilia did not understand fully. Surely duty had been fulfilled long ago, the appearances due with the death of her Uncle, to be seen with her siblings. Rumors would have come just as easily had she not come, as with appearing. There was a balance in it.

You are above that. You should not deny Us. You would see.

Emilia just shook her head and looked back to the dresses. Selecting out a few more to go with those already chosen. She was going to need to see to getting more if this was to become a trend. Worse. She still needed to see about a dress for her brother’s wedding. And would likely need one soon enough for her sister’s as well. It was only a matter of time before something would be arranged and announced there.

You should get several. They attract. We are hungry.

Emilia shook her head. They were always…hungry. If anything, it was fair reason to avoid dresses even more. She had not lied when she told Clara she did not mind to wear them, but it really was more the occasions. Her thoughts drifted to her sister’s words the other night. If all worked well, if the One was kind…Raelyn would have the chance for happiness that Jaren had. A sigh slipped…a happiness that was out of Emilia’s reach. It had never bothered her before. It wasn’t something that had crossed her mind to consider, to wish for even. Not til him, that night.

You do not need anyone. You have Us.

Raelyn’s answers drifted up from her thoughts, answers to the questions Emilia dared to ask. Some hope her sister would not remember, as she had certainly not seemed to guess Emilia was asking for her own purpose. And Emilia could not help but try and apply them. She felt happier with him, safer. That she could be herself without worry. But what of him? Nothing Raelyn had said seemed to apply. There was no writing. She had no idea what he felt any different for her being around or not. Emilia was not even sure that he ever noticed her absences, let alone if he was pleased to see her again.

He does not notice. He does not care.

What was the other thing Raelyn had said? The lips….Emilia took a soft breathe. They had said many things, his lips. Least she felt they said much. And the way his hand had felt upon her skin, that touch. By the One, she missed him. But it would be, what? Months before she might see him again. Her family would notice if she tried to see him while in Sunsreach. The usual excuses she could use at home to cover the absences wouldn't work here. Was she actually besotted like Raelyn or just being a foolish girl? She no more knew the answer to that than she did to what he thought of her, what she might be to him.

You are nothing to him. He is only using you.

Dark eyes closed, Emilia knew there was likely some truth to that. What ever could she be to him? To anyone? Did it really change anything? To have a wish for something that could not be? She had long known this to be the case. How people saw her, what most thought of her. To cling to the impossible hope for a ‘cure’ when they weren’t even sure what…she was. Let alone how to ‘fix’ it. And what if the ‘fix’ just made her worse. Her eyes opened, remembering well what Lon had said in their lessons about possible cures to the ‘singing’, more so the danger in it. If it was dangerous for the Sidhe themselves, what hope did she have when those seeking to help didn’t even have an idea?

We are with you. We will /always/ be with you.

But it hadn’t just been singing…What the Widow had been trying to do. Emilia pressed a hand to her temple, trying to push out the line of thought. She needed to focus to the now…To her duty. For as much as she had joked with her sister about the masque, coming back with a possible favour (as if that was even possible!), Emilia knew nothing would happen. Not for her. She /was/ being just a foolish girl. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. Duty came first, it was where she should..no, /needed/ to keep her thoughts. That would be her focus again, must be. Not foolish dreams, but duty.

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