1867-04-11: Only Questions
Only Questions
Summary: Once Jaren has left and Emilia retires for the evening, her thoughts wander over the news he has brought to her and Raelyn. She finds herself with only more questions. They are up to Their usual tricks and quite displeased.
Date: 1867-04-11
Related: Follows after Sets of Tidings and relates to all things Emilia and her on going saga.

The visit had been unexpected, a happy surprise to have received his note that he would be coming. Emilia had not spoken to him since his wedding. Even then it had not been much, it had been more in the days leading up to then that time had been shared. Since then….she had only seen him from a distance as she had days prior at Prince Tristan's wedding. He had once said that Sunsreach and Ironhold were not that far apart, but it had become as she had suspected it would. She knew how busy he had been as a Baron and then Viscount…Would not a King be busier? And he had a new family. A growing family. She had seen how happy he looked at Tristan's wedding, the joy that surfaced when he spoke of it tonight. She had seen to the reaction when Raelyn had hit that nerve, that there was a desire to see them more. And yet, when the reason for the visit was revealed, she knew then that without bearing such news, he would not have been able…been allowed…to visit them.

He does not care. His only care is her. He will kill for her.

He would do it because the Queen ordered it, and Emilia could not fault him for it. It was his, their duty to obey. But it did not change whether it was right or not. Even if the logic to get there could not be faulted. It did not mean it was the right thing to do. She had seen he was disquieted by the notion. None of them could understand, they had not been there. They had not seen, not heard what it was to die by Her, to be fed upon by Her. They did not know the pain, the fear. Jaren could understand that at least, he had fought Her. He knew what it was like to be in Her presence when She was unbound. It did not matter in the end, it was decided and there was nothing Emilia could do to change that. But what would Her death do to her?

They do not care. They will kill you to kill Us. They see only the monster.

The other news had been related, but only because each had pertained to Her, ElK'a'athren. But both were to bring death. Death to the hundreds that would be fed to Her, so that they might deliver Her to death. Death to the shadow within her. Perhaps even to her. Jaren had said it was possible. But even if she did not die, could it yet not be the death of who she was? This…Exorcism…what if it did leave her as a dimwitted shadow? A 'touched' and useless burden as so many already thought her to be. Lon had not spoken well about the results when attempts had been made to undo the songs of the Si'eh'ren. She would not have answers to just how…harrowing…the ritual was, the cost of it, the full risks til she had spoken to Sirrah. After Sirrah has spoken with the Prophet, after she had spoken with Lon. Yet Jaren, Raelyn had considered none of it. Jaren spoke of the hope it brought, and Raelyn…she had said it would be her choice, yet her sister had so quickly asked what was needed to prepare, to offer up Ironhold's resources. Would she really have choice in the end?

She does not care. She wishes for you to suffer. She wishes for your death.

If her siblings so easily considered this an option….even without knowing the full truth of it. What would Lon think of it? What would he tell Sirrah? He knew she could have been fixed..the shadow removed. That it had been offered to her, a choice made. Would knowing that impact what he would tell Sirrah? Would he even consider her with what he might come to advise Sirrah regarding this ritual?

He does not care. He has used you. He sees only Us.

A hand raised to press at her temple. There were so many questions and no answers for them. And Them….the news had deeply agitated Them. The hatred and anger…there was a flicker of fear to, but They tried to hide it. They had not been this bad since the return from The Last. They had not truly calmed after, especially when the memories had returned. When Prophet Hashim had brought the news about killing the banshee, it had angered Them. But They had yet been smug that it would not be done again. This….This had changed things. There was no longer just hope to free Ironhold of the Widow, it was a certainty. It would happen, Jaren would fulfill the promise had had made to the Widow. But what of her? Was there really any hope in this news for her, or just certainty of her own end? Her eyes closed, her hand pressing harder against her temple as the Shadow within her screamed with rage.

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